Makin bacon 🥓

Where to start… this opens with a blast of Tayto Smoky Bacon crisps.

Now if you’ve never tasted this savoury, snackity, culinary delight, you’re in for a treat.. but do I want to smell like sweet, smoked bacon potato crisps? The answer is no.

After 10 mins it morphs into another fab Irish cuisine of fried bacon and cabbage as there appears to be a slightly sulphuric leakage from this slab of smoked pig. This was not going well for me. I had a brunch meeting scheduled with regional colleagues and knew I couldn’t turn up smelling like a BBQ meat feast.

I contemplated scrubbing it off if M01 +Guaiac Wood didn’t calm its ham but I’m not a happy scrubber. I like to give a perfume a full wear even if I’m not digging it, so I can at least experience and review each scent properly. Scrubbers are for those rare ones that trigger migraines and/or nausea. This crispy bacon savory snack did neither, in fact, it just made me hungry.

An hour after spraying, about to leave the house, it finally calmed down. The BBQ smoke cleared and I was left with a sweet, smoky leathery wood, rather gentle. I really wasn’t getting any Iso E Super. But I couldn’t leave the house just smelling like this. And I needed something sweet and feminine to recover from the morning snack attack. Nishane’s Hundred Silent Ways was the anti-Tayto choice. One spray on my right wrist, one spray on my décolletage. The left wrist still harbouring the criminal scent. This was a good choice because, when I arrived for brunch, my fraghead colleague immediately greeted me with a hug and a sniff and a, “Ohh that’s really goood! What are you wearing today?” (He was wearing JMs Cypress & Grapevine and smelt amaze).

Hilariously, the majority of us opted for bacon, poached eggs and toasted sour dough for brunch, other than a scrambled egg and salmon wild card at the end of the table.

I continued to have little sneaky sniffs of my left wrist which continued to give a now smokeless, leathery and resinous wood with a dry paper hint. At this stage I thought, this isn’t so bad. It’s 100% not something I would wear, but could I imagine it on a well dressed, suited handsome man? I’d maybe enjoy it if the other half was wearing it, and I curied up with my head rested on his chest.

And just as I was about to find salvation in this scent, poof, it was gone. And all that remained was a trace of the sweet otherworldly fresh, woody and ambery florals of Molecule 01 which lingered for a few hours more.

The journey was over. What a disastrous ride.